I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize