he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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