awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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