I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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