sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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