I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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