she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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