sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
