Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
