I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
