Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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