Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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