I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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