my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
She told me I should be a condom model.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
