Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Drunk is a universal language darling
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
