I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
and she was petting her beer can
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I got inside last night via doggy door
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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