Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
