Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
