your parents love me but you hate me
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
