Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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