if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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