break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
