dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
