i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
