I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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