Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
