I just saw a hot homeless man
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
