just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
he quoted the bible to break up with me
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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