Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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