So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She's like a pop up book from hell.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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