We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
