MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
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