My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
my poor anus
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
