I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
