I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
