Non-Jews are for practice
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
