there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize