Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
