Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
The power of my boobs compel you
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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