just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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