OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She told me I should be a condom model.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
