I think im going to throw up on grandma
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
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