Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
