Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
