Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
