i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
