well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
