I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
