@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
