yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
