a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
