I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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