im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
