Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
