I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
