i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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