I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
