Plan B is the new Plan A
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize