Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
