So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
