There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
