There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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