Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize