Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
