I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Randomize
