I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
