Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
