ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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