I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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