Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
