I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize