ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
