mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
