you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Randomize
